Debunking the Criticism: Traveling with Young Children & Babies

When we decided to plan a trip with our three month old daughter, we were at a loss for resources. Not many of the parents in our circle travelled with their babies. When I started researching online, I found a lot of heated opinions against the concept. This agression is something that I feel greatly deters parents from enjoying new places with their young family. They are afraid of judgement from other passengers on a plane, or at a restaurant if their baby starts crying or their toddler melts down.

Some comments I saw online were along the lines of:

"A baby's - and mother's - place is at home."

"It is so inconsiderate to fly with a baby. You are oblivious and disturbing the space of other people who paid good money to be there."

"You don't care about the health and safety of your baby."

"You're selfish."

"This whole traveling with children thing is a new age concept concocted by parents who don't want to let go of their old lives. Get over it, and stay home!"

Wow. Ok, so that was discouraging. I'm here to tell you though, it doesn't have to be true. I am writing this article to debunk these opinions, and let you know that you are not alone in your desire to explore the world with your family.

Now, lets break these comments down:

"A baby's - and mother's - place is at home." - Home is inarguable the most comfortable and safest place for a new baby and postpartum mother, especially during the first few months. After that rest and recovery period, being home (especially alone) with a newborn is extremely isolating and lonely. The first two months at home (typically alone during the day as my husband was back at work) my emotional health took a toll. I went to a few mommy and me yoga classes, and some mothers groups locally, but most of the time it was just me and my baby. While I loved the time with her, I was also sleep deprived, lonely, depleted, and it was the dead of winter. Going on a trip can seem overwhelming to plan, pack, and navigate, but I needed something. Something new, something bright and sunny, something around people, something that brought life back to me outside of being a mom around the clock. By the three month mark, I was ready to get out of the house, get out of the winter, and spend time with my husband and daughter while relaxing and exploring. Being home may have been the "safest" place, but it wasn't the "best" place for me at this point.

"It is so inconsiderate to fly with a baby. You are oblivious and disturbing the space of other people who paid good money to be there." - Gosh, people are so entitled. Do you become a second rate human the minute you become a parent? Is the money you paid for your plane ticket any more worthy than the money a parent paid for theirs? Are you worth this trip more than a family? (the new parents probably need it more!). Here's the truth, people have the right to their thoughts and beliefs, but so do you. If you want to travel with your family, you have the right to. You can only control your child so much. It is a new environment, they may cry, they may yell, they may run around. That's what children do. Ignore the stares and the glares. You are just doing you, and you are doing the best job you can. You are the one who will need to deal with that cranky overtired toddler after the flight. That guy in the seat across from you sending you glares, will get to leave the plane and continue on with his "perfect" vacation. Also, a side note, we had very long flights to our destination. To our surprise there were many families with children and babies on our flights. Some children were quiet, and others cried. Nobody that I noticed gave them a hard time. In fact, we had people offer to help us with our bags, ask if we needed help with the baby while we settled into our seats, and when leaving the plane so many passengers commented on how great it was to see our baby. For every grumpy, entitled flyer - there is a reasonable, kind flyer.

"You don't care about the health and safety of your baby." - I understand where this one is coming from. Especially after the Covid era. Even our families were concerned about us traveling with a three month old for this reason. My advice? Talk to your Pediatrician and your Doctor.

We walked through the whole itinerary and travel plan with our Pediatrician to make sure our plans were appropriate and safe for a three month old. Our Peditrician gave her feedback, provided a few suggestions and changes, and said overall babies are very adaptable and actually can be great travelers at that age. With the concern for Covid/flu, she said I was doing everything I could to protect her. I had gotten both shots while pregnant, and I was exclusively breastfeeding. Of course there is always a risk of catching something, but my husband could also have caught a cold at work and brought it home. We do not live in a sterile bubble. We made sure to wash our hands very frequently while travelling, use hand sanitizer, and wipe down all of our items and our babies items including the plane seats and trays before touching them. We also used muslim clothes over the seats to lay our baby on.

In terms of my own health, I was very fortunate to have had a straight-forward positive healing experience after birth. By six weeks, I was able to go for walks, lift heavier objects, and had some stamina again. In this respect, my Doctor said I was safe to travel. At the time I was also seeing an OB Pyschiatrist to help me with my emotional health throughout pregnancy and postpartum. At three months postpartum I was at a low point emotionally. The sleep-deprivation was the deepest, I had been home alone most of the time during the day, and I wasn't feeling myself. In speaking with the Pyschiatrist before our trip, her advice was that the trip could be very helpful for my mental health. It could provide some additioanl support of baby care from my husband, which I really needed, as he would be off work at that point. It would also give me some time to nap- baby free. She said the best prescription she could give me was sleep.

Now, of course every single situation is different. Our baby was healthy, a good eater, and a fairly decent sleeper by this point. I was able to exclusively breastfeed, which helped her immunity and protection. Mu husband was able to come on the full trip, which helped take some of the baby caring load off of me. Assess your own situation and your family's needs. Talk to the professions. Seek out specific advice and precautions from your medical advisers. You as parents, and them as professionals, know what is best.

"You're selfish." - Let me start by saying, VERY LITTLE about parenting is selfish. Being a parent is the ultimate act of selflessness. And if you are a childbearing mother, this act of selflessness starts all the way at the beginning or pregnancy. If you are anything like myself, my partner, our parent friends, our family, our own parents - EVERYTHING you do, think about, live, gives some consideration for your children. Traveling with a family IS NOT selfish. Travelling with your family is a beautiful gift that you can give your children. The gift of new experiences, culture, time together, and memories. I can think of no better gift to give my family, other than maybe good health. And if your thinking - well what if my children are too young to remember this trip? Doesn't that mean this trip is just for me? NO. One of the single most valuable displays we can show our children is how to support our health - mentally and physically, how to create a safe environment, and how to have fulfilling deep relationships. Even babies, can sense when a parent is unhappy, stressed, and if the environment is unsafe. Traveling for my husband and I is a special way that we bond. It fills our cup, and gives us the undistracted time to connect and build memories. Traveling also helps my mental health greatly. I feel inspired, refreshed, and more open-minded. Even though our baby was only three months old, I argue that she benefited from this trip, because it helped us as parents be better parents for her.

"This whole traveling with children thing is a new age concept concocted by parents who don't want to let go of their old lives. Get over it, and stay home!" - Sure, flying with young children is a newer concept. Traveling in general though, not new. People used to be nomads. They naturally moved from place to place in order to find resources, food, and community. What if they had a baby or children with them? They bring them along! Traveling with children is not new, and it should not be seen as this taboo scary concept. Traveling is part of our DNA.