How Solo Travel Helped Me Heal From Burnout

I didn't know I was burned out. I hadn't even really heard that phrase much before. It wasn't talked about pre-pandemic as it is now. I thought this was just how it was. I never took a step back and recognized the corner I was backing myself into.

I was on this endless path with a dark window at the end. Push, Produce, and Perfect. I had no idea what I was working for, what my values were, or when I could say no. I was 27, had zero responsibility other than myself and my dog, and yet I was absolutely exhausted. I had chronic severe migraines multiple times a week, mounting anxiety, would regularly cry or nap in the bathroom stall at work....yes that was me. I basically had a "go-bag" in my drawer at work because I spent so much time there. I didn't even know why I worked so much, I just did. I kept getting handed more and more piles or work, and felt like I couldn't say no. I knew it was a rough day when at 10pm at night I would splurge to take an uber home because I was too exhausted to stand at the train platform and walk home from the stop.

Outside of work, I felt like I was always surrounded by people, and always letting people down. I am very much an introvert. I require periods of alone time and quiet to unwind. I know this now. I love my close friends and family, but get very overwhelmed by large social gatherings and crowds. When I moved to a city, I didn't realize how stimulated I would be. From the moment I woke up, to when I went to bed I was around people, hearing sounds, out and about. I had roommates, which for the most part I enjoyed living with, but I found it hard to get my valued alone time. I took the train to work everyday. Even with headphones I would be surrounded by sounds, smells, sights, and crowds. When I would finally get to the office, I worked in an open concept floor plan. I had no privacy and had constant distractions.

It got to a point when I was constantly exhausted. My work life had capsized into my personal life. I had no boundaries.

I had signed up for a recreational kick-ball league with a few friends and ended up cancelling on them for every single game. I was either working late, or passed out in bed. My friends were mad, I didn't blame them. I told myself they just didn't get it. Their jobs were less stressful, less demanding.

I used all of my sick time from work nursing severe migraines or healing from another cold. I spent a fun weekend getaway at a friend's cabin napping the whole time and missing out.

I remember I went on a date and got ready in the work bathroom, rushed to go meet him at 6pm, then came back to the office afterward and continued working.

It wasn't sustainable. I was getting to my tipping point. I didn't realize it, but I was. I didn't know myself. I didn't recognize my own needs and values. I didn't give myself value.

At some point I picked up a habit of reading self-help books (when I was actually awake). I found I really enjoyed them, even the super cheesy ones. I had always loved journaling, even since I was a young child. I had journaled on and off, and decided to start again. Then one night I had a thought, what if I just had time alone to read all the books I wanted, and journal, and sit on a beach. Thats all I wanted. No work, no noise, no people, no pressure, no expectations. I could nap as much as I wanted. I could take baths and sit in the sun and just be with myself. What was that like?

At the time, I didn't think I could afford to go on a full trip by myself. It was winter in Boston, and I didn't want to just do a weekend somewhere I could drive that was cold. Then I remembered I was going to visit my parents on their yearly snowbird trip to Florida. I planned to fly down with my brother and spend 4 days with my family in the Marco Island area. What if I extended the trip and just went somewhere by myself in Florida. (I know this sounds silly to not realize this, but know I was very burned out and not thinking with full capacity. I also had never solo travelled before, and never even considered it!). So I booked it. I decided to make a trip for myself, for just a few days after I visited with my family.

Such a short solo trip, but how impactful it was for me. I started by renting a bright blue jeep. This was my dream car, and if I'm going to be road tripping around Florida with the top down, why not in my dream car? I drove from Marco Island to Miami. I remember thinking how quiet it was. I was all alone, for the first time in I can't remember how long. I could play whatever music I wanted. I could stop wherever I wanted. I could take my time getting to the destination.

I landed on a hotel south of Miami. It had a small beach and a small restaurant on site. When I went to bed the first night it felt weird. Too quiet, too dark. Did I lock the door? Did I lock the doors to the balcony? Should I leave a light on? Should I sleep with my phone in the bed incase I need it?

My first day on my solo trip, and what do I do? I go to get my hair done. I know....what? Why would I spend vacation time doing this? Oh, how crazy I was at this time. I worked so much, that I couldn't find time to get my hair done, so I decided to just get it done while on vacation. I laugh when I look back at this. I spent my vacation going to a hole in the wall salon in Florida, getting highlights. Oh well, it made me happy.

When I got back with my fresh hair, I realized I was getting sick. Funny how this happens. When you push yourself too hard in your everyday life, then when you finally wind down and take time off, your body says "Hey I need a break!" and you get sick.

Funny enough it turned out to be just what I needed. I spent the next two days laying in bed, taking baths, ordering my favorite room service meal - a cheeseburger and chocolate cake - for every meal! I read my pile of self-help books, journaled, and occasionally ventured out to the small hotel beach and sat and watched the waves come in. It was quiet, it was slow, and it was what I needed so badly.

My daily dose of chocolate cake

I remember having so many realizations on that trip. I felt like I was finally talking to myself. Hearing my body. Hearing my views, not everyone elses. I was catering to what I needed. I was able to go at my own pace. I remember realizing how unhealthy my relationship to work was. How I needed to change this lifestyle. I remember feeling this new confidence in myself. I was alone, I was relaxing, I was solo travelling! I came up with a plan. Tips on how I could break out of this burnout.

Refreshed Emily

The funny thing is this trip was such a turning point for me. I couldn't have planned it this way, but it was. Before I had left for the trip, I went on a first date. That person texted my throughout my trip. I didn't know it then, but he would become my husband four years later. I also didn't know this, but I came back from the trip refreshed (hair and all). To my surprise, and the world's, the pandemic lockdown of 2020 began just a few weeks later. At this time, more necessary than ever, I had to learn to live in a way that wouldn't lead to burnout.