Feeling Conflicted?

I've been feeling something lately. I finally put feelings to words and realized that what I was experiencing was cognitive dissonance. Maybe this sounds extreme, but really cognitive dissonance can apply to many categories of your life, big and small.

Cognitive dissonance is when you feel discomfort from participating in an action that contradicts your core values.

I pride myself in promoting minimalism and anti-consumerism. I don't believe non-essential objects can contribute significant value to your life compared to relationships or experiences. I hate all of the marketing ploys out there telling you that you would be more beautiful with this product or sexier, thinner, more attractive if you buy this certain thing. I don't align with this hyper marketed world where influencers can tell you 24/7 what is wrong with your life and what you are lacking.

I don't want to promote MORE.

MORE things.

MORE waste.

MORE time spent.

MORE energy spent.

MORE comparison.

MORE debt.

So now the contradiction.

Ok, this might sound silly to some, but all of this came about when I felt guilt for buying new items for my wardrobe the past few months. I spent a good amount of money purchasing new clothes and shoes to add to my closet. I have been working on finding my personal style and what looks best for my body.

And I feel guilty that I FEEL GOOD.

These clothes...they make me feel GOOD, CONFIDENT, BEAUTIFUL, ENERGETIC.

But no! Why? My whole mantra is that more non-essential objects can't enhance your life like this. That you don't NEED certain clothes or shows or styles to be more beautiful or confident. Confidence should come from within.

So why then, when I put on one of my new outfits and walk into work or a restaurant or strut around the streets of the city, I feel more confident and beautiful than I can remember I ever have?

And there is my conflict. My cognitive dissonance.

So how do I drop the guilt? Is it there for a reason? Should I even drop the guilt?

The answer will be different for everyone, but here is the answer that helps me:

1. While I am a minimalist and against impulsive consumerism, there can be a scale. This doesn't have to be black or white. Sure you could live an extreme lifestyle where you only buy the exact essentials that you need. Maybe this is out of choice, or out of necessity. But just because I'm purchasing some "non-essentials" doesn't automatically put me in the category of an irresponsible hyper consumer! Everything in responsible moderation.

   
   

2. This wardrobe change is part of a much larger life change that more has to do with my personal development than the clothing itself. I am at a time in my life where I am starting a new chapter. I am more mature, taking on more professional responsibility, a mother, a wife, and adjusting to my postpartum body. Not only do my old clothes not fit my new body well, but they don't align with my new goals and lifestyle. When I put them on I just feel negative about my new curves and want to hide when I am around other people. This is not what I want to portray, and this is not the example I want to set for my daughter.

   
   

3. I am purchasing responsibly in a way that aligns with many of my other values. While I am purchasing new clothing, I am extremely thoughtful in the process.

   
   

   1. I limit myself to a minimalist capsule style wardrobe consisting of a defined number of pieces. This number fits comfortably in my space, and is manageable to maintain and clean.

      
      

   2. I do my research on exactly the pieces of clothing I want to add. I study the shape, quality, versatility, and color. I make sure I can form multiple outfits with this piece. I do not impulse buy. I take pictures of the clothing and place the picture in a dedicated folder on my phone. I wait at least two weeks before purchasing. Once I receive the clothes, if it does not 100% work for my body or my style then it is returned.

      
      

   3. I am investing in high quality pieces that will last for years to come and are from ethical clothing brands. The clothing is versatile where if I lose or gain weight, I will be able to alter the clothing to remain comfortable and confident.

So there you have it.

Yes, I have been buying new clothes that are "non-essential" to my lifestyle.

Yes, these clothes do boost my confidence and make me feel more beautiful.

Does that mean I need to feel guilty?

Do I feel comfortable with the money spent (i.e. I still have money to pay my essential bills and support myself and my family)? Yes.

Is the clothing good quality, ethically sourced, and can be used for years to come? Yes.

Are the clothes helping me adjust to my new chapter, helping me love my new body? Yes.

Does that confidence positively impact the other aspects of my life such as my relationship to myself, my partner, my daughter, my friendships? Yes.

Does spending money on non-essentials mean I'm an ultra-consumer? No.

Does buying these new clothes mean I'm promoting influencer culture and invasive marketing? No.